Well after much prayer and consideration, Brad and I signed papers to welcome one more daughter in our family. So what's with the title you ask? I wish I could say that the week has been filled with joy and eager expectation for what God has in store for our family, but that would not be completely honest.
This morning I got in a stupid argument with my son. Yep, ridiculous. He asked in a "tone" why I didn't get the right kind of milk. I wish I was gracious and waved off his tone and just explained why I had his health as a justification for the change in my shopping habits. Nope, instead I threw a full on tantrum. Slamming stuff around, sobbing tears, unreasonable ranting...you get the picture. I think I totally freaked out our newest family members, they probably think I am crazy and need medication. We will have to save that for another day.
I excused myself to my room for some one on one time with my Abba father. Still sobbing, I asked for forgiveness and help. I had experienced this same sensation when we first started paperwork for Dawit and Meron. I was reminded at this point that our enemy was not happy with our obedience. He took it personal and brought out the big guns. I could hear the lies come pouring in as I cried. "You are not a good mother. They don't appreciate you and all that you do for them. What ever made you think that you can take on another child? Oh, and let's not even get started on your finances. How will you afford all this? How are you going to get all the time off from work that you and Brad will need? Why don't you just give up?"
Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32. God stepped in and showed me His truth. His promise is that he will never leave us, he waited for me to cry out to him for guidance, courage, strength and joy. I am not perfect, but he is and he lives in me. I am to seek his approval above all else, no one else, including my kids. It is not about me, it is about God and his glory.
Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in The Lord always, I say it again, rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all, the Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." God tells me to bring my requests to him, to remember all that he has provided and to rejoice. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that I can trust my God and his plans for our life.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you'" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
So, now I know the root of my anxiety and my tantrum. I had taken my eyes off God and his power and was shining the light brightly at my own ability. I pray that he will fill me with his mighty power so I will have all the endurance and patience I need. May I be filled with joy, always thanking the father.
I am done crying over spilled milk, so to speak, asked my son for forgiveness and am seeking God to protect my mind and heart. Ultimately, he is victorious.